"Discover your inner goddess", "Awaken your sexuality", "Find the lost gifts of the feminine" – urge the Russian women different kinds of trainers, coaches and esoteric experts. The same dictate them to own the same type of images of Russian and world media. Stereotypes read: if you're not perfect, if your career is not successful if you don't have a strong family and passionately loving men, if your figure is not slim, but the body does not cool you loser. In this trap I've got.
Bulimia nervosa – a mental disorder, which manifests itself in uncontrollable eating. Overeating, which previously happened to me once a month, now haunted me daily. To empty the stomach several times a day became the norm. After the cleansing, I started bleeding, I realized that I needed help and went to the clinic of neurosis.
In the clinic of neuroses in Moscow there is a special Department for women. Here are the patients with different disorders – depression, panic attacks, eating addiction. According to unofficial data, in 15-20% of cases of these and similar disorders are fatal. Food is the easiest way to have fun, especially when you live in constant anxiety from their own imperfections. However, the food scares that will certainly become noticeable in increasing body weight. Pleasure and fear lead to the fact that compulsive overeating is accompanied by excruciating hunger that is impossible to satisfy, no matter how much was eaten. To get rid of the guilt, I artificially cleanse. When this happens several times a day, between the thumb and forefinger there are wounds and have to use other objects such as a toothbrush. I still struggle with my disorder. Every time I feel a fit coming on, I make a self-portrait, to escape and to resist.